I went for a regularly scheduled ultrasound today and was told there was no heart beat.
There were no signs or symptoms that something was wrong. And I was completely blindsided.
I am scheduled for a D&C Monday. And I am completely heart broken.
1 and 5 pregnancies result in miscarriage, so I know I am not alone.
But I have spent much of the past 4 year picking myself back up again, so I truly believed that this would be a struggle for someone else. I thought I was done fighting for a little while, and that I was just meant to experience this for what it was - pure joy.
So here I sit, feeling completely ridiculous as the universe knocks me down again. And I feel stupid for allowing myself to embrace this excitement and share my news so freely. I should have known better - that is not how my life works. It is rarely easy or straight forward.
Today I am tired. I am tired of being the girl with tragic news that perseveres. I am tired of being "the one" that these things always seem to happen to. I am tired of struggling while everyone seems to be thriving. Today I am just tired and I don't want to fight anymore.
I will pick myself back up again, but today I need a break. So things will be quiet around here for a little while.
Love Your Favourite Darwinian Fail,