Tuesday, 25 August 2015

I get it. Waiting for Baby.

I shared my pregnancy news last week. And while I must confess it has felt good to finally be able to share something immensely positive with people. I want you to know, that I get it.

I get the other side of those excited and glowing pregnancy announcements

I wrote about the pressure and expectations I experienced here almost 2 years ago.

As women, babies and pregnancy are often the elephant in the room. And the pressure I have personally experienced to have children and then to justify my decision to wait is something that I have definitely struggled with.

My husband and I married young, but neither of us were in any great rush to have children.

Kids are great and we excited for this next part of our journey. But let's be honest and admit that they change things. Your time is no longer just your time. Your priorities change. Life is undoubtedly different.

There is part of me that will miss the simple routine I have with my husband. I definitely spent extra time this year savoring our long runs together. Embracing those quiet moments when we could just sleep in and binge watch Game of Thrones. I know that a little one changes all of that. So the last 7 years of just us two were something I cherished.

We were conscious of all of this. And we made different choices.
I went back to school. We traveled. We trained for races. I navigated my many medical misadventures. We both worked on our careers.

And despite it all, I was still asked about kids often.
Typically at least once a week. Sometimes as often as once a day.

I took it with a grain of salt - most of the time.

People knew we wanted kids... eventually. People just wanted something nice for us. There were those innocent questions about our plans and those not-so-subtle hints about the length of time that we had been married. But always, I felt a certain amount of pressure.

I tried to be candid. I tried to be honest. But often my honesty only led to more invasive questions. Were there problems in my marriage? Was I having fertility problems? All things deeply personal, suddenly seemed perfectly acceptable when we were talking about children. When and how I was going to use my uterus was for some reason everyone else's business.

Kids were something we wanted. But there was a lot going on and we weren't ready.

I also worried about my ability to have children. I drew the short end of the stick genetically, so I wasn't convinced that getting pregnant would be so easy. And as we got ready to begin trying, my anxiety surrounding these questions and this pressure increased exponentially.

Each pregnancy announcement, baby shower, first birthday party became a reminder that we weren't there yet.

You are always excited to celebrate those milestones with the people in your life. But there is the other side that tugs on your heart strings.

So I want you to know that I get it.

The pressure is real and hard to ignore. But it is okay to just do what is right for you.

Maybe you want to wait like me. Maybe you haven't found that person you want to start a family with. Maybe fertility is something you are struggling with. Maybe you don't want kids at all.

Whatever the circumstance and whatever your decision, just remember it is YOURS to make. And yours alone.

Love Your Favourite Darwinian Fail,