And now with a little one on the way, I have been thinking a lot about the genes and traits I will be likely to pass on. And admittedly, I am praying that our little one gets the lion share of their genetics from my husband.
I realize you don't really get to pick. But if I did, I would probably ask that they get my eyes, my skin tone, and my Defiant Attitude.
I can already hear my mother laughing as she reads this.
She has long described me as a "willful child". I was stubborn right from the start. I had opinions about when, where, and if I should do something. I was that kid.
I was the kid that had million questions about just about everything. I was that kid that was passionately writing letters to the government when they tried to close our local hospital. I was the kid asking my Sunday School teacher why we should believe that our religion is any better than anyone else's or how we could even know we had it right in the first place. I was the kid who stuck her finger in the electrical socket, because even though my mother told me not to do it, she did not explain WHY I should not do it. Yes, I was that kid.
I wasn't a bad kid. I always tried to listen and to behave. In fact I would say I probably listened better than most, but just because you said it out loud doesn't necessarily make it right. And I didn't often accept things at face value.
And while I know there were moments that my mother wishes I could have been a more obedient and docile child - that defiant attitude has served me well over the years.
The defiance that probably drove my mom to the brink, is the same defiance that has helped shape me into the person I am today.
That defiant attitude led to an independent spirit and eventually to a resilient soul.
The last few years have not exactly been easy. In fact, I would go so far as to say, there have been a lot of moments that have been down right hard. But that defiant streak has always been strong.
So for each moment that could have swallowed me up, there was always a little voice in the back of head whispering "you are stronger than this", "you will get through this", and "you will be better for it".
Being defiant has meant that while the past few years have changed me, I have not allowed them to define me. And while life has certainly been full of challenges - there is very little about it that I would actually change. Those experiences have built strength and given me courage. They have taught me gratitude. I have gained perspective. I have learned self-acceptance. And I embrace life in a completely different way because of it all.
I cannot predict what kind of adventure our little one will face in the coming years. But I do hope that no matter what - they face the world with a healthy dose of defiance.
So remember little one...
Life is complicated.
Challenge yourself and others (even is the other is me).
Believe in yourself.
Only amazing things will happen when you do.
Love Your Favourite Darwinian Fail,