Surgery #7 has been a lesson in Patience.
Now, normally I would like to consider myself a patient person. I am not quick to anger. I try my best to be empathetic and understanding of the people in my life. But the truth is, I have never learned how to be patient with myself.
I am a type-A, go-getter, multi-task-er, To-Do list-er who is always thinking about my next task, my next project, and my next adventure. These traits are not all bad. But they can be in juxtaposition to other realities in my life - namely that whole Robot-Heart-Darwinian-Fail-thing I have going on.
Sometimes I feel like my life is the punch-line to one great cosmic joke. And the universe has one f*cked up dark sense of humor - luckily (*I think*) I am in on the joke.
I went in for my ICD check up on the one year anniversary my Dad's death. I knew that things were not going well. All of the subtle signs were there - I was swollen on my left side, certain activities had start to become painful. And I knew that this day - the one day that I truly craved peace - would be the day that they would tell me surgery #7 was inevitable.
And so it was.
It came as no great shock, with no tears, theatrics, or fanfare. I simply shrugged my shoulders and said "Okay, when should we book it?".
I finally embraced the fact that when it comes to your health, you are not always in control. And all you can do - is the best you can in that moment. It would have been nice to finish my first half ironman. It would have been great to run Marathon #3. But those were simply not in the cards for me, and that is okay too.
I needed to take a step back. I need to take some time and give my body a chance to heal. I needed to be patient with myself.
I will not lie to you - it has not always been easy.
I have missed training hard, scheming, and making my grand plans. It has been hard watching friends PR, tackle new distances, and discuss their race schedules - all while I sit on the sidelines. It is hard to start slow when all you want to do is run far and fast. But Patience is necessary.
So Patience is going to continue to be my guiding force as I tackle 2015.
I have started to ease back into training, but this time I don't have it all planned out. My goal is to work on regaining strength and stamina. But also to respect and listen to my body.
Patience is a Virtue. And in time I hope it is a virtue I can say I truly possess.
Love Your Favourite Darwinian Fail,