On Saturday I ran the MEC 5km. I was heading down to the race site all by myself. I was in the zone. I had big plans. I was gonna cut 3 minutes off my 28:08 April 5km time and finish in an even 25 minutes.
I lined up at the front of pack with all the big guns. The whistle blew and I burst off the line - pushing hard and fast. I finished my first kilometer at 3:40 minutes (aka way to fast)...and then I died. I slowly fell off the pace and my 25 minute finish slipped away. I crossed the line at 27:37 and 77th out 164 runner. It was still a PB. And I still managed to finish in the top half of the race day competitors. But I didn't leave feeling good about my performance. I felt slow. I felt weak. I felt beaten.
The truth is I am guilty of playing the Comparison Game. I train with a coach with runs a 2:40 marathon. I have running buddies completing races in faster times, running longer distances, and doing more all the time. And I find myself questioning if I will ever measure up.
Yesterday's 27:37 didn't measure up.
I wanted to be faster. I wanted to be stronger. I wanted to be better.
The comparison game has meant that I have lost sight of my own journey.
I have forgotten why started and where I am coming from.
I am still only 5 months post-op. And as hard as I am training and as strong as I am feeling - I know that it takes the body twice that long to truly heal and rebuild. I am competitive by nature, so I hate the idea that any of my Darwinian failings could slow me down. But the fact is, over the past year I have had a total of 3 major surgeries - with all of the trauma, setbacks, and necessary healing that goes along with that. So my body just isn't there yet.
25 minutes wasn't realistic for me this time around. But progress is progress. And just because I am not there yet, doesn't mean I won't get there eventually.
My journey as a Darwinian Fail turned Runner is just beginning.
Love Your Favourite Darwinian Fail,