The official 4 week recovery period for my latest greatest medical misadventure has come and gone complete. Which means slowly but surely life has begun to return to normal. I have gone back to work. School will get back on track. And I will continue to recover, rebuild, and recoup. Life goes on.
But the truth is this most recent journey has been hard. And probably a lot harder than I have let on. I try to find the silver lining always, but that was difficult this time. I found myself questioning everything. I felt lost. And more than anything I was just so very very sad. So I cried. I cried with every fiber of my being. I cried until there was nothing left. I had lost the faith. I had lost the fight. I needed the strength and positivity of others to pick me up and put me back together.
Thank You - to all of you. To all of you who kept the faith and believed in me when I had stopped believing in myself.
I hate to see you cry. Lying there in that position. There's things you need to hear. So turn off your tears. And listen.More tears were shed this time around than any other. I cried because I hated my body. I HATED IT! I cried because this wasn't suppose to happen - not this year. I cried for the year I dreamed of and lost. I cried for all of the stress and sadness this caused my family. I cried for the burden I knew I put on my amazing husband shoulders. I cried because I couldn't run away from this. I cried because I felt hopeless. I cried because I just wanted things to be different this time. I wanted things to be easy - just once. I cried because I was tired. I cried because I didn't have it in me to be strong this time.
You know, it's nothing new. Bad news never had good timing. Then, circle of your friends. Will defend the silver lining.This has long been the reality of my life. I know that. And I do my best to accept and embrace the challenges this life had given me. But surgery, setbacks, whatever they may be, has never had good timing. It is always hard to face no matter how you slice it. And this time more than any other time in my life, I very much needed the love and support of others to keep my head above water.
So Thank You. First and foremost to my amazing husband, who has long been my source of strength and positivity. His strength has carried me through the darkest days of my life. And for that I feel a gratitude I could never express, and I will spend the rest of my life repaying with all of my love always.
Thank You to my ever supportive friends and family. Your visits, phone-calls, and love helped keep me going. You kept me smiling and you made recovery much easier to face.
And finally, Thank You to all of you - to all of my virtual friends. To all of you that sent me hearts, took time to pray, send positive vibes, and continued to believe that I could be bigger and stronger than all of this. You all helped me believe too.
Pain throws your heart to the ground. Love turns the whole thing around. No it won't all go the way it should. But I know the heart of life is good.
This was not how I imagined starting this year. But as always the struggle is part of the story, and it is very much a part of my story. And this struggle has reminded me how powerful LOVE is. It has shown me that through it all - the heart of life is good. It is positive. It is beautiful. And I can see how blessed I truly am to have all of you to share this crazy life with.
Love Your Favourite Darwinian Fail,