For the last 10 months I have pushing myself from one goal to the next. I have had a singular focus - do more, be more, push harder. I have been pushing my body hard from one goal to next, all while expecting big things. Run Farther. Run Faster. Get Stronger. Be Better.
my first half, my first full, a half marathon PR, and running 4 other additional races - I have found myself berating my efforts. I didn't hit the time I wanted. My body still wasn't strong enough. I wasn't doing enough. I wasn't good enough.
It has all left me questioning my motives.
Realistically I have made a ton of progress this year, especially given the circumstance. I have asked more of my body than most people. And most people have not toasted the ta-tas and they don't sport a robot heart. So why am I so critical?
My feeling about my body are complicated. All of the battles I have fought are written all over my body in the form of scars. And while the superficial element and the unnatural standards we as women are held to surely play a part in my insecurities. I also feel a lot of anger because no matter how hard I work, no matter how hard I push, I will forever and always be a Darwinian Fail. Another health struggle is always looming just right around the corner. And I hate my body for that.
And it is those feelings and that deep-seated negative self talk that has kept me from truly appreciating how far I come. And celebrating how strong this little defective body is.
My body is not perfect. And the truth is, it never will be. But it is okay to love it for all that it is and all that it can be - despite its flaws. And maybe, it's even okay to love it more because of all of those flaws.
Strong is Sexy and Being Healthy is Fabulous
I am strong and I will work to make my body stronger. This part of my adventure is about getting my body well, making a full recovery, and starting off 2013 feeling strong and healthy. I will be grateful for the progress I have made. I will continue to thank my little war-torn body for fighting this fight with me. And I promise to care for my body the way that it has taken care of me for the last 10 months. We are in this together after all.
That is my promise to myself.
What is your Strong is Sexy Promise?
Love your Favourite Darwinian Fail,