Monday, 6 August 2012

Motivation Monday - No more All or Nothing

I have been having a hard time finding my groove lately. The last 2 weeks of training have not been my best. And I am not proud of training I have done during the later half of July. I have been struggling with my nutrition, feeling panicked about training, and lacking confidence.

I know I need to make a change for August. So I am attempting to ditch my "All or Nothing" attitude.

It is no secret that I have a serious Type A personality. And I credit my little Type-A self for keeping me organized and driven, but it can also stall my progress all at the same time.

The little voice in my head is a negative girl. She is an evil little nay-Sayer who frequently tells me that my objectives are crazy. That my body is not built for this. That signing up for run a Marathon and have a whole bunch of people watch it on a reality TV show, probably means certain disaster. And that unless I can do everything perfectly, then I am destined for failure. That I am going to fail and everyone is going to watch me do it... BLAH! Isn't she the worst!?!

I have been overwhelmed while trying to process all that Marathon Training means. And I have found myself completely bogged down worrying about my race times, how I will perform, and all of the little details. Deep down I know I can't listen to negative voice, but that voice has been VERY LOUD the past few weeks. And thus, very difficult for me to ignore. And I have lost myself a little.

But this weekend, after heading home to visit my parents, I am feeling refreshed. I needed to hit reset. I needed a change of scenery. And I needed to get out of my own head for a while.

So I laced up my sneakers on Sunday morning and went running around the country side. It was nice to be out of city. And to just enjoy my run for my change.

I hit the dirt roads that flank my parent's house. I took in the wide open spaces. I breathed the clear country air. And I found myself smiling. I felt like me again.

I am not running this Marathon to win, to set any records, or for anyone else. I am running my Marathon for me. This is MY MARATHON. This has been tough year and a long hard battle. I have the scars to prove it. Genetics may have taken away a lot of things - including my boobies. But it can never take away my FIGHT. It will never break my SPIRIT. And I am running 42 km (26 point freakin 2 miles) to show that. I am running this race just to say I can! To say that despite everything - robot heart, malfunctioning ticker, horrible genetics, and no boobies - it does not matter. I am doing this anyways.

So Marathon Training Here I Come! I am back baby!
Love your Favourite Darwinian Fail,