Thursday, 22 March 2012

Time to face the Mirror

Inquiring minds want to know - how do I really feel about my new assets?
How is my mental state? Self-esteem? And how is my body image really doing after officially toasting the Ta-tas? HECK, I would wanna know the same thing!?!!?!! I have talked a LOT about my body image anxiety and my concerns about loving (even liking) the end result...So it is time to face the mirror.

I have purposely tried to reserve judgement for the first little while. I am still sore, bruised, stiff, and pretty swollen - so I know this isn't exactly the end result. Not to mention the ugly drains I had following me around for the first 10 days. Yuck! I have also spent the last 2-ish weeks in over-sized sweats and baggy workout gear - for functional reasons - I still can't properly move my arms yet. And as functional and nice as those sweats can be they are not exactly glamorous attire. Combine all that with: my lack of sleep, a certain amount of pain, and my always present ponytail and I think it is safe to say I haven't exactly felt like a glowing, gorgeous woman.

All that being said - when the bandages finally came off, I actually thought the end result was pretty good! They are obviously not the same. The shape is slightly different - I think they might look a little smaller (maybe, I don't really know yet). And instead of nipples I have 2 very fresh scars. But all in all pretty good! I have been waiting for some sort of body image meltdown to hit, or to suddenly become grief stricken about my lack of nipples, but so far nothing. More than anything I am just happy that this is all done. And I am happy did it.

The scars will fade. The swelling will subside. And this will be my body. This IS my body. This is my body cancer-free and for that reason I love it. And I plan to spend the rest of my life cherishing it.

Love your Favourite Darwinian Fail,