Sunday, 11 March 2012
Monday was rough.
And it was rough in ways I never expected.
I was surprisingly calm when Dday actually arrived. Jamie and I were at the pre-surgicial admission clinic before 6 am and I was in my sexy blue gown in no time at all. Things moved quickly after that, because I was the first surgery of the day. My tears started when I had to say good-bye to my husband, and I was forced to accept what I was about to do. That feeling admittedly didn't last very long though, because within minutes I was in the OR and the drugs were flowing. I woke up 4 hrs later in a complete haze with no boobs, no nipples, a new ICD, and a set of shiny new implants.
I was sore and that afternoon was a hazy blur. People were in and out of my room regularly poking and prodding at me, but shortly after 4 pm that happy poking and prodding become slightly more frantic. Lots of questions were being asked. And as more time passed and more doctors came to visit, it became clear that I was going to have go back to the OR. I was bleeding on the left side and the drains they put in just weren't gonna cut it. They had to go back in and stop the bleeding ASAP.
I was devastated. I thought I had already done the hard part and I was scared. The nurses has insisted I drink water like it was my job to help combat all the meds. And they asked that I try to eat something -which I had. But now they were having to put me back under an anaesthetic all those fluids I had taken in were a problem. I was panicking. But I didn't have a choice. At 7 pm I was going back to the OR for another 2 hours to get the bleeding under control.
I am happy to say that things are getting better. Monday was the worst day during the course of this journey, and it has been getting better little by little everyday. Each day I know I am going to get a littler stronger. Each day I can do a little bit more. It is just going to take some time.
Love your Favourite Darwinian Fail,