Sunday, 26 February 2012

Motivation Monday - Trying to keep calm

As I type this, I am exactly 1 week away from my half marathon and thus 1 week away from toasting the Ta-Tas. Yes people, I am only 1 measly week away from the highest high and the lowest low. I will experience half marathon glory then immediately become a Boob-less Wonder - all within about 24 hrs.

I have mixed emotions about the upcoming week. My stomach is churning just thinking about everything.

There is part of me that is excited. I am excited to run my race. I have been training. I have been looking forward to this. A lot of my friends and family are coming to the race to support me - and I am excited to celebrate with them afterwards. I am excited to see how I do, what my time is, how it feels to take the plunge into distance running. I am excited for all of that.

There is part of me that is even excited about my surgery. Werid, I know. But I just ready to move forward with my life. I want to close this chapter. And once I close my eyes on Monday morning there is no going back, no more worry about the results, whatever will be will be, and I will just need to accept the results and move forward. So I am excited to move on.

There is another part of me that is terrified. I am nervous to actually run this race. I have a whole lot of pre-race jitters. I have been talking about this run for so long now, so it is sort of nerve racking that the day is almost here. I am scared my performance won't live up to my expectations. That the race will be harder then I anticipate. I am nervous I haven't trained enough. I am apprehensive that my ticker won't cooperate. The list is long, but I guess what I am really scared of is what this day really means. Race day means that Dday is also here. Once I run this race, it means that surgery is the next step.

And as I sit here waiting to take this plunge, I am scared.

I am scared of the results.

Scared of what I am getting into.

Scared of what I am losing and scared of what I will be getting.

Scared I won't be strong enough to love myself afterward.

Scared I will never be able to embrace my scars as beautiful.

Scared I will never feel sexy again.

Scared I won't be able to look at myself the same way again.

I am just scared.

This is all part of the process. This all part of the journey. And I need to remind myself that is gonna get worse before it gets better...But it will get better.

My goal for this last week - Keep Calm and Sparkle. There are things I can't control, including some of the emotions I am going to feel during this process. But in the end I want to Sparkle. I want to sparkle all the way through my half. And I am going to get my sparkle back when the hard part is all said and done. I am going to sparkle through a long, healthy, and happy life. I will sparkle again.

So Keep Sparkling Friends,
Love Your Favourite Darwinian Fail,
Krysten

18 comments:

  1. You will sparkle through both the race, the surgery and your recovery - you are awesome!

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    1. THANKS JANICE! I can't wait to actually get to meet in "real-life" this Saturday! THANKS FOR THINKING OF ME!

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  2. You are an inspiration. I would be shocked if you weren't scared, but it seems like your fear if helping to fuel you and rather than letting it paralyze you. I can see your sparkle from here...

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  3. You are going to do awesome in your half marathon, surgery, and post op recovery. I know it!!

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  4. Good luck on both your race and your surgery!!! You will do awesome for both!!

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  5. You are going to shine through everything from your race to your surgery! You are a perfect example of strength and courage!

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  6. What a mix of emotions for you-- it's quite the week! Best wishes on both!

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  7. You'll be heroic both in your half marathon and in your ability to take your life in your own hands! The mix of emotions is expected but remember at the end of all this, you're still a champion! And the people you've inspired and will yet inspire all know it and support you!

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  8. You are going to kick that half marathon's ASS. Let the endorphins and pride carry you through Monday's surgery! Good luck and we are thinking of you!!

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  9. Krysten, what you are doing is truly courageous and your attitude through it all has been inspirational. It is all part of the process to be scared but it also seems like you have been building up the strength to handle whatever happens. You have done so much to prepare yourself for both days and I hope you do know that you have a whole lot of people cheering for you! No doubt that you will have an amazing half marathon - you've put in the time and trained well.

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  10. You will rock the half marathon. Good luck with the rest of it. You are an inspiration and you will come through the surgery with flying colors.

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  11. I wish I could give you a big hug. This brings tears to my eyes b/c I know the joy of the first half and I am suddenly understanding the fear of unknowns when it comes to health.

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  12. You are going to rock that half and the high coming off of it will hopefully be a great help as you go through the surgery. Good luck with both!

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  13. WOW! Thinking of you this weekend. Savor your half marathon--it won't be your last!

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  14. Hey Krysten,

    I'll be cheering you on all the way from Belleville! I'm so glad that I got the chance to meet you at the blogger meetup last weekend. For what it's worth, you're one of the most inspiring people I've ever met.

    I know I can't begin to fathom how you're feeling right now but I think it's safe to say that you've got a lot of people rooting for you.

    Sending you endless good vibes aaalllllll the way from Belle-vegas!

    Best,
    Sara

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  15. I'll be thinking of you! I'll bet your sparkle will illuminate the night sky :)

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