Wednesday, 8 February 2012

Almost There - Beautiful

Who need Chanel?
Today was my last appointment before pre-op, and I officially got measured for my new set of ta-tas. I spent all morning rocking a sexy over-sized, thin, blue hospital gown - sexy I know. Flashing my boobs to more men then should be acceptable for a married woman. And explaining my complicated medical history to a bunch of over-eager plastic surgery interns, who were less educated on medical matters than I am. This appointment didn't exactly leave me feeling warm and fuzzy.

There is just over 3 weeks until Dday. Just 3 weeks until all of my musing become a very real and cold reality. In just 3 weeks my body will be different and there will be no going back. There will be fresh scars and a healthy dose of silicone added into the mix. It has been hard to accept all of that, especially as we get closer and closer to March 5th.

But beauty shines from the inside out, right? At least that's what they say. Audrey Hepburn says "The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, and the place where love resides." So I am sure hoping she's right, especially about the whole "figure that she carries" part.

I believe beauty can be found in strength, in stamina, in kindness, in patience, in grace, and in love. Those are sentiments I believe whole-heartedly about everybody else, but struggle to believe about myself. I am trying. I swear I am trying. But am scared that it will be hard to ever love my body again after I make these changes. That I am going to wind up looking like Franken-titty and feeling like Quasimoto's younger sister. I am scared I am losing something I can never get back. And that I am going to have to live with the results - whatever they may be.

The only thing I know for sure about how it will all turn out, is that I will be healthy. And health is why I am doing this. So today I declared that this appointment is about saying "scars, cybrog heart, no boobs, fake boobs, whatever - this body is strong and so am I!". And that is beautiful. I will silence that inner critic yet. Because...
"I am beautiful, no matter what they say, words can't bring me down"


Christina Aguiler's Beautiful is this week's theme song because this is the place I want to be. Singing loudly, and proudly about the beauty I see and feel about my health and about my happiness. Taking pride in my scars because they mean I am strong. Embracing these changes because they mean I am a fighter. Looking at the girl I see in the mirror and seeing a survivor. That is the girl I want to be, and it is still a work progress - but I am going to get there.

Love your Favourite Darwinian Fail
Krysten




17 comments:

  1. You are so strong...you sing that song loudly! thinking of you!

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  2. You are beautiful, mama :) And I am so proud of you for embracing your situation and your decision head first--you are one tough cookie!!!

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  3. This post was beautiful, so are you, and so will you be. I really admire your spirit throughout all this. You are an inspiration and that too is beautiful. Believe!

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  4. Krysten - You are doing such an amazingly brave brave thing. I can't even begin to imagine all that you are going through. But you are strong because you are putting up a stand and fighting this - for you, your health, your body. More than physical appearance, etc., that makes you beautiful. There are so many people out there rooting for you and standing by your side.

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  5. Your post just made me tear up. Good luck with the procedure. It will be long process but... - you're an amazingly strong beautiful woman!!

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  6. I've only "known" you for a few weeks but know that you are an amazing woman. Keep your head held high and feel the positive energy flowing from your fellow FFAs. Hugs and love!

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  7. You are amazing. And beautiful. And stronger than most of us. Good luck with the surgery. You know we are all standing behind you to support you.

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  8. You go girl...all of my prayers, happy thoughts and positive vibes...:)

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  9. Stay strong you are a brave warrior, and inspire more people than you know.

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  10. This was beautifully written. You are such a strong, brave, inspiring woman. Nothing can take away the beauty that is inherently yours. Thinking of you.

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  11. You are so tough. I'm sending tons of happy and positive thoughts you way. <3 <3

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  12. I admire your strength and courage through this!

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  13. i know i don't know QUITE where you're coming from but i had similar feelings before my surgery - was this the right choice? what if it doesn't work and more surgeries are in my future? but keeping your head up and knowing that you're making the best decision possible makes it easier to keep in good spirits.

    you are beautiful, inside and out! and SO strong and brave! you're going to come out on the other side of this stronger and more beautiful than ever.

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  14. Stay strong girl - you've made it this far, and have made all the right decisions. You will still be beautiful after the procedure because you are a beautiful soul.

    Your health is so important - you're going into this procedure fit and healthy, and you're going to come out even better.

    Always thinking about you XOXOXOXO

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  15. Your words gave me chills and brought tears to my eyes. You are SO courageous for doing this, and you know you are making the right decision. And yes, you are a fighter! Going out fighting, running a half-marathon the very day before?! You are strong, beautiful, and more powerful than your genes. Way to take control and keep shining.

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  16. You are so beautiful Krysten and such an inspiration to women every where. I feel blessed to know you and I know that a lot is going to change physically but you're still going to be the strong and amazing woman you are today regardless of your breast size. Thank you for sharing your life with us. xoxo

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  17. What a beautifully written post! You have a strength that I am confident will enable you to accept anything you deal with in life. I'll be thinking about you!

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